Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
