Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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