I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I deserve this hangover.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
