Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
