I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
