Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
