I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
