we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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