I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
