i wish starbucks made bloody marys
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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