I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
