Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
