Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you didnt know i had herpes?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
