So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
