Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
