The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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