I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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