just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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