Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
