Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
