You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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