weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Screwed.edu
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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