She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
