Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
