It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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