at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
