She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
