My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
