She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
