Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
