okay pat passed out under dana's car
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
