I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
