If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
