I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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