oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
