I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
