Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
