i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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