I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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