What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I wear drunk well.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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