I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
