I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
