Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
