I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
