I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
