It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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