I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
