k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
