So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
