Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
